As a child, what I loved more than pop music was the fact that my mom loved pop music. Helming the radio, she wore a certain agelessness — when it came to Top 40s, her spirit never aged a day past 25. In our car, every pick-up, drop off, grocery run, and bridge-bound ride sounded stupid-delicious: Carlos Santana’s riffs picante, starbursts of synthesizers, something smoky and mesquite when the station picked up Destiny’s Child. She never apologized for the bass, let alone her extraordinarily ordinary, mainstream taste. In fact, one of her beliefs I’ve spent my whole life trying (failing) to embody: never waste an apology on something that doesn’t deserve one (there are too many apologies in this world).
Because of her, I have a soft corner for anything that Spotify would call “today’s hits,” and I scoff at anyone who scoffs at that. It’s not simply elitist, it’s just not honest — pop songs are dipped in liquid dopamine, powdered with ear-cocaine, and sprinkled with chopped nuts for good measure. And moreover, this genre reeks of life’s every poignant emotion, whether you take it seriously or not. When you’re hurt, it feels like Beyonce wrote Lemonade just for you. Stephen Dunn wrote, “I love how pop songs sound profound when we’re in love, though they wound us too sweetly. I love the good home clichés can find in an authentic voice.”
Pop music is the commingling of the universal with the particular. Two listeners will relate to the exact same, universal theme, but completely different memories/imagery will fill their minds. And I thought about this during RenCo’s most recent Mother’s Day Teach-Me event, where members shared stories and lessons from their mothers. The theme could not have resonated more universally — our mothers, or maternal figures, cultivated so much of our characters, imbued us with many shared values, operated out of love and sacrifice and patience. Every member’s “lesson” was a fugue on this common melody, and yet so unmistakably and delightfully distinct.
I want to share some of the lessons by universal theme, broken down by members’ particular anecdotes:
Have Belief in Yourself // (Optional Musical Accompaniment: “Don’t Stop Believin” – Journey)
When Melda Gurakar was a child, her mom would play a game with Melda and her sister: each daughter would have to “meow” (yes, like a cat) until the “meow” sounded self-confident enough. The meow game would be played, for instance, when Melda and her sister were picked up from school. If Melda seemed down, her mom would keep her meowing until her tone grew brighter (did Melda ever fake a happy meow? Mum’s the word…).
With humor, Melda’s mother encouraged fearlessness within her daughters, a quality fiercely encouraged by Andy Pike’s mother as well. Andy’s mother, Cathy Watson, led (to say the least) a most intrepid career, across industries and continents. A biologist turned nurse turned journalist, then turned environmentalist in East Africa, she instilled in Andy the importance of taking bold, calculated risk to set yourself apart. Moreover, it doesn’t matter if your pursuits seem to lack an overarching long-term strategy — simply do well at every moment, and strong opportunities will present themselves.
Mishti Sharma’s mom, similarly, encouraged Mishti to nurture her own self-belief -- to trust that she, Mishti, would avail the opportunities ahead of herself. Mishti describes her relationship with her mom as marked by “shared trust and mutual understanding.” Soon before Mishti’s Fulbright ended, after two fellowship rejections, she experienced a moment of brief panic -- what would she do now, amid so many possibilities? What if she picked the wrong thing, and disappointed her parents? She called her mom, who offered just the right reassurance at just the right moment: “You can’t possibly disappoint me. I’ve watched you your whole life and I trust you.”
Create Mental Models for Success // (Optional Music: “Empire State of Mind” – JAY-Z)
Emily Hughes’ mom requires no superlative introduction, a list of a few facts simply glows off paper: a mother to six children, two of whom were Olympic figure skaters, a breast cancer survivor, a champion of positivity. And when Emily was growing up, her mother instilled in her a piece of wisdom that Emily attributes much of her ongoing success to: “Work hard now,” her mom would say, “and fun will come later when you see its pay-off.” If Emily ever complained about a particularly hard skating routine, her mom would remind her: “if it were easy, everyone could do it!”
Similarly, Henry Su’s mom also emphasized delayed gratification. When Henry was young, he wouldn’t get an allowance — instead, for any helpful task performed, or accomplishment (doing the dishes, acing a test) Henry would receive a blue strip of paper. Once he collected 5 blue strips, he could trade them in for 1 green strip. And once he got 5 green strips, he could trade them in for 1 red strip. And eventually, 5 red strips meant he could earn 1 dollar. A pretty tough conversion rate, but one that certainly helped develop a mental model for long-term persistence and commitment!
Take Initiative // (Optional Music: “Juicy” – Notorious B.I.G.)
Jen Yip’s mother — self-proclaimed, “not a tiger mom” — not only gave, but lived by the advice: there’s never an excuse not to reinvent yourself if it’s what you want. As a neurobiologist, she helped Jen prepare (“prepare” is a very mild, insufficient understatement) for the Intel International Science Fair — something she enjoyed so much, she now coaches students for science fairs. And recently, when she — a Cantonese native speaker — was asked to tutor a neighborhood kid in Mandarin, instead of saying very reasonably that she spoke Cantonese, not Mandarin, she hit YouTube. She completed lessons in Mandarin — literally the same lessons she would then recreate for students hours or days later — and hustled her way to a new gig. She lives and breathes the RenCo ethos: if you’re smart, resourceful, and a quick learner, you can do anything.
Andy’s mom, Cathy, similarly encouraged initiative by way of sheer pluck — if it seemed important, she’d tell you to just do it. When a new highway was built near her home, she started a grassroots movement to turn the road into a biodiversity corridor and beautiful public space. She began in literally a “grassroots” way — planting trees by hand all by herself!
A great way to take initiative is simply to start by being curious. On family vacations to other countries, Cathy will strike up conversation with locals, stressing that stories are found everywhere. Jen’s mother implored her children to approach the world with curiosity — bedtime stories included excerpts from biology textbooks, and instead of humming along to Smashmouth like the rest of us (cough), Jen would sing, “the mitochondria’s the powerhouse of the cell!”
Cheers to some of the most inspiring women of our lives, who encourage us to meow, count strips of paper, and win science fairs. Unlike pop songs, the lesson we learn from our mothers never age.
====
About the author: Alizeh Iqbal is a storyteller who flexes her creative muscles building brand, voice, and community for new products in technology. Alizeh graduated from Stanford with a double major in English and pre-med. When she’s not working with startups, she’s writing a television screenplay and pursuing a transition to comedic writing — if you share an interest in the industry, or know someone who does, she’d love to chat! Reach out to her on Twitter.
Special thanks to Rob Sicat for designing the visuals for this piece.